How to Break Up with a Girl

It’s been a while since I’ve written much of anything. Too much has been going on. Or perhaps, not enough. Either way, here is my attempt to get back into the swing. The poem below originally started with the “Tell her” lines. I wrote the rest of this, on-the-spot, around them.

How to Break Up with a Girl, a poem

If you want to break up with your woman, lady-friend, lover,
I suggest you confess your intentions,
without mention of a lie.
Because once she sniffs it out, nose more canine than human,
lie-cocaine, lie-bacon,
lies that smell so delicious, she can’t help but sniff out more…

she’ll probably slap you
with some sort of comment
that involves a vulgar word
or two
or three.

She’ll hunt you
until she feels her heart split open
like a crack in the earth;
you all earthquakes,
and her, tectonic.

Or you can:

Tell her you love her,
then go sleep with someone else.

Tell her you miss her,
then go sleep with someone else.

Or maybe just tell her the truth.
That you aren’t the kind of guy
who dates just one
or two
or three.

That you look for love
in many women,
other women.

That your heart is a wandering dog.

5 thoughts on “How to Break Up with a Girl

  1. Veronica says:

    I enjoyed reading this article and, on the lighter side, I thought I might share with you a break-up story of my own that you may find humorous. I’m a bit embarrassed about this, but cut me a little slack, this happened 20+ years ago, and I was an emotional, young college girl at the time (an English Lit/Drama major no less). I had been romantically involved with this guy for about six months and it seemed to me that we just couldn’t take things to the
    next level and it would be in both of our interests to move on. So one day, I decided to have a heart to heart chat with him, going to great lengths to be sensitive to his feelings, and getting a little emotional in the process of saying it was time to end things. His response? Well, very casual, dry (he was an engineering major, go figure) and hmmm, maybe even a little cheerful. He said with a smile, “yeah, you’re right, it’s probably the best thing.” Well, I was stunned by his lack of disappointment and asked if that was all he had to say. He again replied casually, “yeah, I think that’s about it.” I had invested the past six months of my life with this guy and he didnt
    seem to be the least bit upset that I was breaking up with him?! What
    a blow to my self-esteem and that was more than I could take. I stood
    up from the bench we were sitting on in the heart of the campus quad,
    gently lifted his chin (by the look on his face, he may have been
    expecting a good bye kiss) and then SMACK — he got a hearty slap,
    right across the face. Of course I stormed off in a huff, a complete,
    emotional wreck, while he sat there, rather disoriented, nursing a red
    cheek 😉

    Later on, I talked about it with a few of my sorority sisters and of course got hugged, consoled, etc. Then one of my sisters said something like “so wait a minute….you broke up with him and then slapped him?”. It then occurred to me how ridiculous the scenario was! Laughter ensued along with lots of good-natured teasing from my friends.

    The story doesn’t end there. A few days later, he sent me flowers and an apology card. I’m not sure if the poor guy even knew what he was apologizing for! 😉

    1. Alexa says:

      Thank you so much for sharing that with me; I think it’s the best response I’ve ever gotten to one of my posts about relationships. I’ve had a few moments like those, too…I think the dramatist in all of us needs such moments. We just want to subconsciously write our lives as an interesting play (and what’s more interesting than a slap?).

  2. Camille Thomas says:


    I enjoyed your poem. I just wanted t let you know some students from UCF who are interested in writing will be near you this spring.

    The Ed2010 Magazine Club at UCF is planning a trip to New York City for March 3-7 this Spring. We would like to invite you to meet with us and other alumni who work/ have worked in Magazines or related industries in New York. The meet up will be on March 4, 2012 at 10:30. We will announce the location soon. Please let me know if you would be interested in joining us.

    1. alexalas says:

      I’d love to be there. Once a knight, always a knight.


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