I Already Know

I already know it’s over,
because it never began.

I understand
that everything I felt
was slap-dashed together in my head,
even if you said the right things
and told me what I needed to hear in that moment,

since you were clear
and everything that came after
was just theater
in the form of comfort
and what I thought might be
love in its infancy.

I wish you could see,
feel
what those consequences are,
of building someone up to a precipice
then pushing them over
because it’s so easy for you
to push.

I don’t want to be a cushion.
I don’t want to be a blanket.
I don’t want to be less than,
smaller than,
easy to discard.

I really thought it would be harder
to let me go,
and deep down I knew,
I still know,
that it’s not about me,
and never was.

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