Emotion, in pieces

I am flawed, this is a given; but when it comes to my emotions I wear my heart on my three-quarter length sleeve. If I’m embarrassed, my face reddens to an even more embarrassing hue; when I’m upset, my eyes dampen, a water cooler on the verge of exploding (water coolers don’t usually do this, but hell, who cares?).

It never used to be this way. I used to be a fortress, a safe deposit box, a wall. You need to stop being so damn obvious. They’ve figured you out. But it isn’t because I’m young; I know plenty of people my age you’d have to punch before you pull a tear. I know when it started. I know it happened when my grandma passed away. But death will do that to you: make you stronger, make you weak. It does all those things; but damn it, I need to be composed. So for the next few weeks, my goal is to become as tough as a gravestone. OK, not really a gravestone (over-dramatic). I just want better control of my facial expressions. A girl’s gotta have some secrets.  

An on-the-spot poem about gravestones and Humpty Dumpty:

They made his gravestone
out of eggshells,
so his soul could walk
in careful steps

to avoid great falls
and walls
and royalty

to rest,
in pieces.

2 thoughts on “Emotion, in pieces

  1. Alexa L. says:

    This is indeed true. I had my new job in mind. I'll be around instructors, students, etc., and it's pertinent that I keep my cool. Tears are perceived as weak, young, inexperienced; a perception I'd like to avoid for the most part. But I totally get it. Everyone needs a good cry. I know this all too well.

  2. Denise says:

    I loved this; and yes, sometimes hiding your feelings is necessary, but it's not a weakness to let things through, it's part of being human. And although emotions are hard to deal with sometimes, it's even harder when you hold them in. So don't, because no one who matters will want you to feel worse to save face, even for a minute.


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